Violence as a whole is a physical behavior with an intention to hurt, injure or kill an individual . Domestic violence is a form of violence that is usual among people who live together, especially families, couples or people who are dating, even at work. This kind of violence cannot be specifically pointed out, for it comes in many forms and they can be lethal or mentally scaring for life. The usual types of Domestic violence are: threats of violence, actual physical abuse, financial deprivation, rape, psychological and emotional abuse.
Usually, one partner tries to intimidate the other partner by forceful physical abuses, designed to render them submissive and with absolute fear. Domestic violence can be perpetrated by both genders but it is usually common among men and directed towards women usually due to their physical vulnerabilities and their lower societal herachy .
According to O.V.W - United States Office Of Violence Against Women :
Domestic violence has been classified as pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.
More statistical revelations from OVW reveals that women are physically assaulted every 9 seconds in the United States. The CLEEN foundation, also made a publication from its survey in Nigeria that:
1 in every 3 respondents admitting to being a victim of domestic violence. The survey also found a nationwide increase in domestic violence in the past 5 years from 21% in 2011 to 40% in 2015.
The usual forms of domestic violence in Nigeria, are: Acid attacks, corporal punishments, wife beating, rape and even verbal abuse. There is currently a push by the Nigerian government to imbibe stiffer penalties for people who are found guilty of domestic violence especially rape which has become very common and it's growth has spread through several states. Currently Nigeria is dealing with another form of domestic violence which is gaining a notorious popularity and that is child sexual abuse and child rape.
While some people frown at domestic violence, others secretly advocate it as a tool to discipline the wife, and keep her upright when she falls out of behavioral context. Lots of women have been victims of the consequences of domestic violence. Lots are dead, physically maimed for life and psychologically violated negatively.
Sometimes this act is usually encouraged by women themselves especially in Africa. The Hausa tribe of Nigeria, see physical discipline as a right men have towards women. Another typical example is the Yoruba tribe of Nigeria, where these yoruba wives basically refer to their husband as "Olowo Ori Mi" which means 'he owns me'. The Tiv tribe of Benue state Nigeria, their wives are of the opinion that beating them is a sign of love from their husbands. Infact the 3 major tribes of Nigeria (Hausa, Yoruba and Igbo) smile upon physical violence in marriages, thereby justifying abuses in relationships.
This systematically shows that these women have given up their marital rights to their men. Especially in the issue of bride price whereby men pay certain amount of money so as to obtain the wife of their desires, also give's such men the belief and ordersity that they own their wives. The usual causes of domestic violence in Nigeria are:
• Wife leaving the house without taking proper permission
• stubbornness and lack of respect for husband
• Wife's denial of sexual advances from husband
• Normal arguments
• Improper household duties and not taking care of the kids as expected
The Major causes of domestic violence worldwide are:
• A nagging wife
• Infertility
• An insecure partner with low self esteem
• A partner who desires power and the need to be in control in a relationship
• An individual with anti social personality
• A shaky relationship
• Infidelity
• Lack of marriage institutions to educate these abused victims on their rights in their marriage or relationship
• Drug and Alcohol abuse.
• Aggressive behaviors from partner
• Social isolation
A Lot of other sub factors still contribute to the causes of domestic violence, but we are are much more interested in curbing and controlling domestic violence which seems to be on the increase especially in underdeveloped and developing nations of the world.
What are the measures to take especially in homes at which domestic violence has invaded?
What could be done on both short run and long run if you are a victim of domestic violence , or you know someone currently dealing with abuses from their partners?
Most times the domestically abused cannot speak or fight for themselves and those who are aware of this act by an abusive partner, prefer to mind their own business believing that the matter would be resolved among such partners, but it usually gets worse.
• Ensure You Keep Records
You must document the abuses becauses there is every likelihood you would end up in court for legal proceedings, and you would need clear evidence of your abuses. This is very important. Keep records such as: photographs, time and dates of the incidents, the location, the lenghts of the abuses, the actual things that happened, what they did and said, and medical records.
• People Close To You Must Be Aware
You must tell people especially family members, the abuses that you suffer from your partner. People need to know about your situation, at least 2 or 3 people. Do not and never keep silent about it expecting things to get better. Your abuses would only get worse
• Never Stay In Such A Relationship
People who have suffered from domestic abuse usually have very unpleasant stories to tell. The most told story is that they have been scarred for life , both emotionally and physically, which cannot be reversed. Never stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of your children. If your partner is capable of physical violence directed at you, your children are in danger also. You must notify the authorities for protection.
• Don't Sacrifice Your Freedom For Love
You must understand the fact that in marriage, no one is in control over the other. It is a union where both man and woman face the challenges of life together. Your partner must understand your stand on violence, before you even step to the alter. Why must you as a woman turn over all your finances, business and liberty for the sake of pleasing an individual. It's not worth it.
• Create An Exit Strategy
You must leave the relationship as fast as you can. No relationship is worth your life. No marriage is worth the scars. Plan quietly a way to end the relationship effectively as soon as you can if your are not powerful enough to leave when you will. Abuses never stop.
You must leave your home if your life and safety is threatened, you must also contact the authorities to ensure they are aware of these incidents, and if your children are at risk, you must take them along with you. It's your right to live in a violent free home.
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